There were times when I am sure my parents
would not have recognized me. A naive teenager from middle class suburbia, set
down in the middle of a situation where there were no rules. It is not that I
ever really drank much, a cold beer on a hot dusty day, and there were a lot of
those. It was also not that I frequented the houses of ill repute that
flourished there. Well actually I lived in them as often as I could; I just did
not sample the wares.. all that much. My feeling about being there was one of
excitement and hoplessness. The country, the culture and the people were beautiful.
The war was not. We were told we were fighting communism. For a time I believed
that, though I did not see any real immediate objectives.
The first phase of my time in country was as the prescribed load list (PLL) clerk.
Which was supply clerk in the motor pool, truck parts and supplies. Not a bad job.
Our company, the 572nd transportation co, was called the Gypsy Bandits. As PLL clerk,
I was one of the bandits. There are a number of ways of getting supplies in the
army. One was filling out the individual log book for each truck indicating what
part was needed for that truck. Then submitting requests to all the proper places,
waiting for parts to arrive, going to each location for what that unit is responsible
for, often having to take the old part to exchange. Coming back and filling out
each log book for the parts received and getting them to the mechanics, telling
them which truck an individual part was for. Meanwhile the mechanic has truck 8
in for a lot of work but you don't have the hydrovac for truck 8 you have the hudrovac
for truck 23. Every one is impatient, inconvenienced and unhappy. The alternative
is sit down once a week put a lot of stuff in each trucks log book. Then go out and
steal a lot of parts so there are always enough for any circumstance. This is much
easier, everyone is happy, and I don't have a problem when I get caught in town,
"Just picking up a few things". Life was good and this went on for months till
one day when I got caught in Saigon. This was serious enough that the CO had to
do something. I got an article 15, worse than a ticket, not so bad as a court
martial, and punishment, which was not for stealing but for getting caught. Oh
well nothing good lasts forever.
The second phase of my time in Viet nam was driving a tractor trailer. I was told
if I got in this truck, drove over to Bien Hoa, through town, turned around and
came back, and did not kill anyone I would have my license. Easy enough, I didn't
even injure anyone and I had my license. I was now a trucker. As part of the
punishment I was on Tay Ninh. This was punishment because it was usually a one
day trip. Up at four AM and down to the motor pool. Get your truck and go get a
trailer. Trailers were at the trailer transfer pool (TTP). This was a real
treat at 4:30, in the dark, half asleep. There is a procedure for hooking up a
trailer. First, back up till your fifth wheel touches the skid plate of the
trailer, next get out and hook up your air lines. Then get in the truck and set
the trailer brakes. Now all you have to do is back up till you lift the trailer
slightly and slide under till the trailers king pin slides into the receiver on
your fifth wheel and locks in place. Like everything else in the army this
procedure does not always work. Especially if the trailer brakes don't work, and
they usually did not. Because of this, as you lifted the trailer it tended to
roll backwards. The more you pushed the faster it rolled. The way to get around
this was to back up, touch the plate then hit the gas and chase it across the
yard. If you did this fast enough you would get it to latch before you ran out
of land. This procedure lead to a second and equally important procedure. If
you were walking in the TTP and heard an engine rev fast you immediately looked
around till something began to move and got out of the way. Hooked up at last
and out to the staging area. If you get there early you have a half hour nap
before everyone is ready to go. Convoys were ok. The road to Tay Ninh was, for
the most part, a dirt road at best. At worst it was a dust road. Sometimes when
we stopped you would step down into six inches of fine dust. Everyone and
everything was a light tan. Faces, uniforms, trucks and loads. The dust was
everywhere, it was all you could smell and all you could taste. You did not get
to stop in villages and socialize but you did get to see a lot of really beautiful
scenery. In the midst of all that was going on, the country and people were
beautiful, except that you did not know who was on our side and who was the enemy.
There is one sight I will never forget. It was a little girl with her arm bandaged.
The bandage was soaked with blood and the ever present dust. The thing I remember
most was that the bandaged arm was noticeably shorter. I stopped and got a few
boxes of C-rations off the truck and left them. I felt as though it was the
least I could do, but I also felt a little ashamed that there was nothing I really
could do. The wrecker comes last in the convoy. When we got to Tay Ninh I was
talking to the wrecker driver who said he saw the little girl and she was surrounded
by C- rations and other food. I felt a little good but realized that though everyone
else had chipped in, most of the things would be taken from her and she would probably
be sent out to look pathetic again tomorrow.
Tay Ninh was a place to pull in, drop your trailer, pick up an empty, hurry to
the staging area and grab a beer something to eat and have a moment before
everyone got there and it was time to go again. Back to Long Binh. We rolled
into the company area, dropped our trailers, took our trucks to the motor pool,
did any maintenance required, changed any flats, and we were done for the day.
It was now after 12:00 midnight, we could get a meal, shower and sleep till 4:00
AM. After a few months of this and I was getting used to not sleeping. The
third phase of my time in country was at hand.
Before coming to Viet Nam I
was in Fort Carson Colorado, The 5th Infantry Division Mechanized. At the time I
drove a 5 ton truck. As I was leaving to go to Viet Nam the spec 4 in the motor
pool was giving me my drivers license information. He said Is there anything you
would like on your license, all I have to do is write it and put some initials
next to it and everyone will think an officer did it. I said sure give me a license
for a 3/4 ton truck, that may come in handy. He said anything else. I said how
about an 8 self propelled howitzer and he wrote it down. We all had a good laugh
about that since I had never driven one, but I had sat in one once to have my
picture taken. Back now to the third phase of my time in Viet Nam. We were in
formation one day, resigned to the fact we will be driving tractor trailers for
the rest of our time in country. An announcement is made. "We need people to
deliver tanks out of Saigon and Newport. Luckily we have 6 people with tank
licenses and experience." I am looking around to see who it is and my name is
called. The feeling was about 50/50 excitement and panic. The third phase had
begun. No more convoys. We could sleep in till 6:00 AM and be home every
evening. We could even have time for a shower every day. Next morning we were
off to Newport on the north edge of Saigon. Now if you remember I have no experience,
just a license, and that and a nickel will get you a cup of coffee. Luck was with
me. Tanks have power steering, power brakes and automatic transmissions. Great!
Turn the key step on the gas. M48's have a little wheel, APC's have two levers.
No problem. Off we go. For the last 6 months this is what we did. Our company
moved up north and we were assigned temporary duty with the 10th Trans, then the
543rd. Life was good. Get the tank, deliver it, go to town for a while, get
another tank, deliver it, back to town. We delivered M48?s (60 tons) and they
would go 70 on the highway. 155's, APC's, Dusters, Rough terrain forklifts,
ambulances, fire trucks, jeeps, everything. Except for tank retrievers, Lt.
Dye saved them for himself. It was an experience.
There is a custom of keeping track of days left. Those with fewer were short timers.
Respect was given to short timers. They could do things like jump up, stuff a lot
of clothes into a bag and run out the door. Coming back they would explain, "just
practicing". When you were down to 99 days you became a two digit midget. Your
last 9 days were great. I remember going up rt. 1 and picking up a hitch hiker.
He said "I am a two digit midget today", sounding a little pleased with himself.
I said "that's nice", suckering him in. He said "how many days do you have". I
said "1". It felt so good.
I wish I had a happy ending to this, but there was neither a happy nor an ending.
Ever since Vietnam there has been something very wrong. No one wanted to talk
about it when I got back. My father tried once. He said, "What ever happened
to that optimistic young man that we sent off to Vietnam". I heard myself
saying to him "He died there and he's never coming home". The door was closed,
he never brought it up again. I had never killed anyone in Vietnam and I was
happy about that, the one thing I wanted to avoid was becoming a "baby killer".
I guess I knew it all along, However it was not till August of 1998 when I was
searching the internet, looking at Vietnam sites, thinking about all the
ammunition, cannon shells, claymores, prop charges, and tanks I delivered and I
realized that the emptiness that I had felt since Vietnam was because I had
become a "baby killer".